My brain betrays me sometimes.
For instance, I have my memoir for sale on my website in three perfectly wonderful forms: hardcover, paperback, and iBooks. This project that I have poured my heart and soul into for 2+ years is done! It's out there! Complete! All of the late nights and early mornings, all of the times that my family had to look at my back while I typed away on the computer, all of the hair pulling, crying, rejoicing, stress...all of it... should be behind me.
But my brain says this, "Remember you told people that it would be available on Amazon. People are counting on that. Not everyone has an iPhone or can use an iBooks version. How will people who don't know you find it? What if someone doesn't want to purchase it directly from you?"
So instead of taking a deep breath and celebrating the fact that my dream has come true and my story is out there for people to read, I have spent the past week chained to the computer once again.
Long story short...the Amazon thing is not going to happen for now. I am not giving up on that option, but several issues have come up- all of which are way too lengthy to go into for one post- and I have had to give it a rest for now. For my sanity and for my family's well-being, I am putting it on a shelf.
It's time to start focusing on the bigger picture.
I have a book that is published and it is beautiful and it is my hope that it will find those who need it.
I didn't write it on my own. God's hand was in it and I am not ashamed or afraid to admit that. I have had experiences over the past 2+ years that are too sacred and too personal to share, but I can testify that this book was meant to be written.
I didn't write it to make money. I didn't write it to be famous. I didn't write it to be self-aggrandizing or anything of that nature.
I wrote it because of a promise I made to God at the very beginning of my cancer journey and every day since...I promised Him that I would do everything in my power to help other people. Whether they are in the midst of a battle with cancer or any other trial that seems unbearable, I promised that I would try and help and that is what I intend to do.
God sees the bigger picture for me, for this book, and for everything else in my life, and now it is time for me to let go, turn my face to the sun, and enjoy the ride, wherever it may take me.
I trust in God's bigger picture.