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LET'S TALK ABOUT:

ETERNAL FAMILIES

WHEN "WEDDED BLISS" ISN'T BLISSFUL ANYMORE

9/27/2019

 
(Week 2)
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​“And she saw the hand of the Lord in her life and all was well”
-Desirae Ogden
I know what you’re thinking right now… “She’s quoting herself?”
​Yes. I am. I came up with this quote when I was thinking of how to introduce this post and this is truly what it comes down to, my friends! I am constantly seeing the hand of the Lord in my life and because of that, all is well.
​Once again, I will have the opportunity, in two of my classes this semester, to write blog posts about what I am learning. “Ask, and ye shall receive”, am I right? (D&C 4:7). I have also been feeling like the old blog needed a little remodeling, so you will notice that there are a few different things. I have split my blog into three sections: Blog, Come Follow Me, and Eternal Families. This way, my readers will be able to go directly to whatever it is they want to read about.
So, without further adieu (or any more rambling), here we go with this week’s “The Eternal Family” post.

DIVORCE AND ETERNAL FAMILIES?

​You might be wondering why I would include a post about divorce with my posts about “The Eternal Family”. Well, the sad truth is, many eternal family units have been affected by divorce. In “The State of our Union”, a pamphlet published in 2012, we learn that “the American divorce rate today is about twice that of 1960 but has declined since hitting its highest point in our history in the early 1980s” (National 67). I suppose that it is good to see the numbers declining a bit, but that doesn’t change the sad truth that so many families are facing the consequences that come along with a divorce.
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Photo cred: pixabay.com
​Some people go into their marriages with the thought, “Well, if it doesn’t work out, I can always get a divorce.” Others look at their first marriage as a sort of “starter marriage” (Oaks 70). Laws have been established that make it relatively easy to obtain a divorce and “overall, the public has become more accepting of divorce (National 86). All of these things combine to make divorce something that is a very real problem with equally real consequences.
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One of those consequences is that divorces are very costly to the public. “A single divorce can cost the state and federal governments about $30,000, based on the increased use of food stamps and public housing as well as increased bankruptcies and juvenile delinquency” (National 95). Other consequences are more detrimental as we see the toll that these broken relationships take on the members of the families who have gone through a divorce. Children with divorced parents are often worse off than those with continuously married parents in areas of academic success, conduct, psychological well-being, self-esteem, and peer relations (National 4). I am not saying that all children of divorced families suffer with problems in these areas, nor am I saying that children who have parents who are still together don’t suffer with problems in these areas. We just know, from multiple studies that have been conducted, that divorce can bring increased problems to these areas of a child’s life.

WHAT CAN WE DO?

We can see the problems of divorce laid out in front of us, so what are we to do? What should a couple do when there is no longer “wedded bliss”? I think there are multiple answers to that question and ultimately, what happens with a family is up to the parents, and (hopefully) God. I included the word hopefully in there because some people may not use God in their decision to divorce, and that could lead to even bigger problems in the future. After all, God is the master designer of a great plan of happiness that includes us living in and having family relationships.
To better answer this question of, “what can we do”, we need to look at the issue from different perspectives...

Perspective #1: When You are Faced with the Divorce Decision

I am not going to pretend that I know what this feels like. I have not been faced with the decision to divorce and so therefore, I am not going to tell you what I think you should do in that situation. I will, however, include some advice from Church leaders and other people in the family science field who may be able to help you if you are facing this difficult decision.
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Photo cred: pixabay.com
​“I strongly urge you and those who advise you to face up to the reality that for most marriage problems, the remedy is not divorce but repentance…The first step is not separation but reformation…Think first of the children. Because divorce separates the interests of children from the interests of their parents, children are its first victims” (Oaks 72).
​“Under the law of the Lord, a marriage, like a human life, is a precious, living thing. If our bodies are sick, we seek to heal them. We do not give up. While there is any prospect of life, we seek healing again and again. The same should be true of our marriages, and if we seek Him, the Lord will help us and heal us” (Oaks 72).
“If you want your partner to change, start by accepting them for who they are…Instead of criticizing your partner, remind yourself of all the things you appreciate about them, and share those things with them…Of course, there are some things that should never be tolerated in a relationship, like abuse, addiction, or infidelity…Even in those cases, it is possible to accept the person even if you do not accept their behavior” (Gaspard) 
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Photo cred: pixabay.com

Perspective #2: When You are the Outsider Looking In

This is where I am. I know people who have gone or who are going through the painful process of a divorce and I have wondered what I can do to help. I’ll tell you one thing that is not helpful…passing judgment. You simply don’t know what has gone on behind closed doors, even if your friend has “told you everything”.
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Here’s my one word suggestion: LOVE. Love the crap out of your friend and his/her family. Now, here are a few more words of wisdom.
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Photo cred: pixabay.com
​“Most of us, I believe, are acquainted with one of more of these valiant, struggling spirits…It is our duty and our privilege to befriend such individuals and to provide whatever assistance and support we can in helping them to achieve their high destiny” (Broderick)
​Offer empathy. “To show constructive empathy, focus the discussion on your hurting friend’s feelings—not on their spouse of their spouse’s offense” (How to Respond)
​“When a friend confides in us, we can feel pressure to offer wise counsel…but often that’s not what our friend is after…We can serve our friend well when we remember we’re not a trained counselor, and focus instead on doing what friends do best” (How to Respond)
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Photo cred: pixabay.com

IN CONCLUSION...

As I mentioned earlier, I am not an expert on divorce. I have not experienced the heartbreak of my parents getting a divorce, nor have I contemplated a divorce for my own marriage. However, I have seen the scars that divorce brings. I have listened to friends confide in me the pain they feel and the ache they have from the effects of a divorce.

​Life is hard, for everyone. Let’s be mindful of that when we hear of divorce, talk about divorce, speculate about divorce, or, heaven forbid, find ourselves in the awful jaws of divorce. Let us turn to the Master Healer and Creator. It is through Him, our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, that we can find healing, joy, and happiness in all situations of our lives.
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Photo cred: churchofjesuschrist.org
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Works Cited:

Gaspard, T. (2018, February 15). Be the Change You Wish to See in Your Relationship. Retrieved from https://www.gottman.com/blog/be-the-change-you-wish-to-see-in-your-relationship/.

How to respond when a friend reveals tension in their marriage. (0AD). Retrieved from https://www.focusonthefamily.ca/content/how-to-respond-when-a-friend-reveals-tension-in-their-marriage.

​National Marriage Project. (2012). The State of Our Unions: Marriage in America. The State of Our Unions: Marriage in America (pp. 1–124). Charlottesville, VA.

Oaks, D. H. (2007, May). Divorce. 
Ensign, 37
(5), 1–123. doi: https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/2007/05/divorce?lang=eng

YOU CAN DO HARD THINGS: ME

4/25/2017

 
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Yes. This post is about me. Or rather, it's about a hard thing I know I need to do, but I have to admit, I'm a little scared of what might come of it.

But I cannot shout, "You Can Do Hard Things" from the rooftops and then shy away from the hard things that fall in my path, now can I?

To some, this hard thing that I feel I need to do may seem silly.  It may seem like something that it not hard at all or that I am making a mountain out of a molehill.  

Maybe it's not going to be as hard as I think it will be and maybe I am making too much out of it.  Only time will tell.

Are you curious yet?

THIS IS, "THE FAMILY: A PROCLAMATION TO THE WORLD"

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Photo cred: churchofjesuschrist.org

PRESIDENT HENRY B EYRING:

"Since the restoration of the gospel of Jesus Christ through the Prophet Joseph Smith until September 23, 1995, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has issued a proclamation only four times.  It has been more than fifteen years since the last one, which described the progress the Church had made in 150 years of its history.  Thus you can imagine the importance our Heavenly Father places upon the subject of this most recent proclamation."  (given in a BYU address, November 5, 1995)
As many of you know, I have spent the last 8 months taking college classes through the Pathway program (now called Pathway Worldwide).  I have taken the opportunity to share some of the things that I have learned on this blog.  I did that because I felt inspired to do so.  

This semester, I am taking a Religion class entitled "The Eternal Family."  Once again, I feel inspired to share with you some of the things that I am learning and it has created a knot in my stomach the size of Texas.

IT'S EASIER FOR ME SIMPLY TALK ABOUT CHRIST.

​He is my Savior and Redeemer.  Through His atonement, I have the opportunity to repent, feel peace, and do things that are really hard. Through several sacred experiences, I have learned for myself that He lives, that He loves me, and that following and sharing His gospel is what I need to do with my life.

In talking about Christ and His everlasting gospel, I have failed to really talk about the central part of that gospel--families.  I may have mentioned some things in passing and I know that I have talked about how families can be together forever, but I have failed to really talk about the true and eternal nature of a family.
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"Anti-Christ is anti family.  Any doctrine or principle our youth hear from the world that is anti family is also anti-Christ.  It's that clear.  They need to know that if it's anti family, it's anti-Christ..."
-Julie B. Beck
August 4, 2009
When I read this quote, I realized that I cannot profess to love and teach of Christ without professing and teaching the nature of eternal families as well.  They are inseparable doctrines.

BACK TO THE KNOT IN MY STOMACH...

The knot in my stomach tells me that I need to share what I am learning this semester.

The knot in my stomach tells me that there will be people who may not agree with the things I write and will use their God-given right of free agency and speech to let me know they don't agree with what I have written.

The knot in my stomach tells me that I need to use my God-given right of free agency and speech to stand up for what I know to be truth.

Most importantly, the knot in my stomach is the same feeling I get when I feel the need to share my testimony of something and I have learned it is not wise to ignore that feeling.  I always regret it when I do.

JUMPING IN WITH BOTH FEET...

And so, in the words of the great prophet, Nephi, "I will go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded, for I know that the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save He shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them." (1 Nephi 3:7)

The Lord will prepare a way for me to do this.  He will help me write in a manner that (hopefully) will not cause people to choose to take offense, but rather, to study out what they read in their own minds and hearts and take their thoughts to God to find out for themselves if what they have read is true.

Stay tuned...and let the good times roll.
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Photo cred: churchofjesuschrist.org
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    WHY ETERNAL FAMILIES?

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