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"CHERISH IS THE WORD I USE TO DESCRIBE..."

10/26/2019

(Week 6)

You're Welcome, lol.

Does anyone else out there immediately think of the song “Cherish” by The Association when you hear or see the word “cherish”? “Cherish is the word I use to describe…” and so on and so forth. Great. Now I’m going to have that song stuck in my head for the next week. But that’s okay, because the lyrics give you something to think about and fit in well with what I want to discuss today.

“Cherish is the word I use to describe
All the feeling that I have hiding here for you inside
You don’t know how many times I’ve wished that I had told you
You don’t know how many times I’ve wished that I could hold you
You don’t know how many times I’ve wished that I could
Mold you into someone who could
Cherish me as much as I cherish you.”

Okay, so now that I have typed out the first verse the song does sound a bit stalkerish, but give me a minute to explain…

In my studies this week, we have been reading about how to cherish your spouse and I’ve had to face some really difficult questions. Do I truly cherish my spouse? Am I as forgiving and patient with him as I want him to be with me, or am I trying to “mold him into someone” that I want him to be? Are we in sync with each other or two people living in the same house trying to survive the day to day stuff? It’s been an eye opening few days and I am mostly looking forward to what else the Lord needs me to learn this week. (I say mostly because I’m scared of what chastening may lie ahead, lol.)

One of the quotes that really knocked me off my high horse was from Dr. Goddard in the book Drawing Heaven Into Your Marriage.

He said, “Often we hold our partner to some set of mythical standards (which are both unreasonable and unexpressed!). Inevitably he or she falls short. We feel discontent. We judge our companion as flawed and inferior. Over time this subtle discontent grows into the cancerous assurance that our partner is fatally flawed. With time we can easily convince ourselves that the marriage was a mistake" (Goddard 42).

As I read this, I had a flurry of thoughts race in my mind of times when I have held my good husband to a set of “mythical standards” that were both unreasonable and unexpressed. Because those expectations were not met, I became frustrated. Fortunately, I did not let this discontent grow into the idea that my spouse is “fatally flawed”, but it has created some unpleasant moments in my relationship with him.

So, what can be done about that? How do I stop creating unrealistic expectations and focus instead on truly cherishing the amazing husband that I have? Dr. Goddard shares this advice: “The cure for this is a broken heart and a contrite spirit. If we listen carefully and learn humbly about our partners' points of view, we will be enlarged and enriched” (Goddard 42). A broken heart and a contrite spirit. That is exactly what the Savior has instructed us to do to repent and become “a new creature” (2 Corinthians 5:17). This new creature in Christ is humble, submissive, patient, kind, caring, and passionate about helping people (including their spouse) become the best person they can be.

Once again, I find myself at the end of a week of studies, feeling immense gratitude in my heart for the tutelage I have experienced through the Holy Ghost. He has helped me see many things this week, many things about myself that have been kind of broken and off for quite some time.

But the best part about my growth and learning this week is that I have been able to see my husband, my best friend, the person I cherish most in this world, for who he really is first and foremost...a divine son of our loving Father in Heaven and that has made a HUGE difference for me.

Works Cited:

Goddard, H. W. (2009). Drawing heaven into your marriage: eternal doctrines that change relationships. Cedar Hills, UT: Joymap Publishing.

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FIGHTING HUMAN NATURE...AND WINNING

10/19/2019

(Week 5)

Today I want to talk about human nature, or in the words of the scriptures, the “natural man” in us all. (And yes, we can say “natural woman” as well). What does that mean, exactly? In the Guide to the Scriptures published by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, it describes the “natural man” as “a person who chooses to be influenced by the passions, desires, appetites, and senses of the flesh rather than by the promptings of the Holy Spirit” (Natural Man). In other words, someone who allows themselves to be ruled by their human nature.

You might be wondering, why is this a bad thing? Well, sometimes human nature is a bit chaotic and, for lack of a better word, evil. When we allow ourselves to be ruled by this chaotic, slothful, jealous, and prideful nature, it creates problems in many aspects of our lives...especially in our family lives.

THE WHY: Why does the "natural man" have such a hold on us?

Because we are all human and subject to the effects of the Fall of Adam and Eve. In his book, Drawing Heaven into your Marriage by Dr. H. Wallace Goddard, he provides a list of behaviors that we learn in childhood and carry with us into adulthood (because...Satan) that prevent us from being kind and charitable to our spouses and family members.

Put my own needs first lest my needs go unmet. (Go for the biggest piece of cake.)
Defend myself. (Don't show weakness. Return fire for fire.)
See the other person as guilty. (Consider even innocent behavior as aggressive or selfish.)
Zero in on weaknesses in others. (Notice what makes others crazy and be prepared to bombard chem.)
Make fun of and minimize the other person. (Treat others with disdain.)
Color the truth. (Tell stories in ways that make me look innocent, my sibling guilty.)
Argue their wickedness persuasively. (Describe their faults derisively.)
Be aware of the audience. (Take advantage of Mom and Dad's irritations with the enemy sibling.)
Hurt them and keep them afraid. (Learn the tools of terrorism.)
(Goddard 12)

We have to make a conscious effort to overcome the “natural man” and it’s destructive nature, but there is hope...hope in and through the Atonement of our Savior Jesus Christ.

Photo Cred: churchofjesuschrist.org

THE HOW: How do we use Christ's Atonement to overcome the NM?

I struggle to overcome my human nature sometimes, especially when it’s been “a day”, if you know what I mean. (A kitchen with dirty dishes piled everywhere...shoes, socks, homework , you name it, it’s out...wracking my brain to think of what to fix for dinner while trying to prep a seminary lesson AND finish my own homework...all the while trying to figure out how my YW calling is fitting into this equation, not to mention...oh ya, I have a husband who needs my attention as well.) It’s on days like these when my natural woman rushes to the surface, exhibiting everything from impatience to rudeness and everything in between. Why is it so easy to let her take over? Especially when I’ve been spending hours studying the gospel for various assignments and lessons.

I suppose it’s just the nature of the beast...part of our earthly experience. More importantly it gives us an opportunity to turn to the Savior and “take His yoke upon us” Matthew 11:29). That is the only way that we will be able to tame the beast and become new creatures in Christ.

"Therefore is any man [or woman] be in Christ, he [she] is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new" (2 Corinthians 5:17).

Photo Cred: churchofjesuschrist.org

I love the image that scripture creates in my mind. Becoming a new creature. Someone who is not ruled by the natural man or woman inside, but rather is changed, perfected, and glorified because he/she chooses to allow Christ into the equation.

"I believe that the key to a healthy relationship is being a healthy, saintly, God-seeking person-to be born again-to be a new creature in Christ. When we are more godly, fewer things bother us. And when we run into problems, we are more likely to process them in helpful ways" (Goddard 15).

That is a powerful statement and concept to think about: When we are more godly, fewer things bother us." Wouldn't that be an amazing way to live? Not only in a marriage/family situation, but in school, work, social settings, etc. I, for one, want to sign up for living in a more godly manner so that the things that tend to drive me crazy, won't drive me crazy anymore. Too good to be true, you might say? Not so, because...

Photo cred: churchofjesuschrist.org

Works Cited:

Goddard, H. W. (2009). Drawing heaven into your marriage: eternal doctrines that change relationships. Cedar Hills, UT: Joymap Publishing.

Natural Man. (n.d.). Retrieved from https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/scriptures/gs/natural-man?lang=eng.

THE TEMPLE IS A BIG DEAL

10/12/2019

(Week 4)

“I love to see the temple. I’m going there someday. To feel the Holy Spirit, to listen and to pray. For the temple is a house of God, a place of love and beauty. I’ll prepare myself while I am young. This is my sacred duty" (Perry)

Why do members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints make such a big deal about their temples? It’s true, they are beautiful structures and the grounds that surround them are equally as beautiful. But why do members flock there in droves and what do they do once they get there that is so wonderful?

In my post today, I hope to offer my explanation to these questions and share my testimony of why the temple, a house of God, is so important to me personally.

“The temple is an ever-present reminder that God intends the family to be eternal” -Ezra T. Benson

Isn’t that a beautiful statement? In a world that is sometimes ugly and harsh, the Lord has blessed us with temples to remind us that He has a plan that is bigger than any of the pain, sorrow, and uncomfortable times that we experience in the harsh realities that surround us.

"Cedar City Temple" Photo Cred: churchofjesuschrist.org

Back in 2011 when I was diagnosed with breast cancer, one of the first things I did was go to the temple to find solace and peace in that turbulent time of life. I knew that these words spoken by Ezra T Benson, a prophet of God, were true: “In the peace of these lovely temples, sometimes we find solutions to the serious problems of life. Under the influence of the Spirit, sometimes pure knowledge flows to us there” (Benson). That serious problem of cancer that I was experiencing was painful to endure and the effects of that experience still linger in my life, but the peace and solutions I found while I visited the temple during that time are a part of me. They will never leave, and they have changed me forever.

I keep mentioning quotes from Ezra T. Benson. You might be wondering who he is and why he is such an authority on this subject. Ezra T. Benson (1899-1994) is a prophet of God and he shared six blessings that come to those who “attend the temple and perform the ordinances that pertain to the House of the Lord” (Benson):

You will receive the spirit of Elijah, which will turn your hearts to your spouse, to your children, and to your forbears.
You will love your family with a deeper love than you have loved before.
Your hearts will be turned to your fathers and theirs to yours.
You will be endowed with power from on high as the Lord has promised.
You will receive the key of the knowledge of God. You will learn how you can be like Him. Even the power of godliness will be manifest to you.
You will be doing a great service to those who have passed to the other side of the veil [heaven] in order that they might be “judged according to men in the flesh, but live according to God in the spirit”

That is why temples are such a big deal. That is why members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints descend upon those temples in mass numbers. Although the specifics of what happens within those temple walls are not shared with the general public because of their sacred nature, I can tell you that what happens there is a very powerful, spiritual experience. That is why I go there. I feel an increase of power to resist temptation, be kinder and gentler to those around me, and to just be a better person.

"Bountiful Temple" Photo Cred: churchofjesuschrist.org

Works Cited:

Benson, E. T. (n.d.). What I Hope You Will Teach Your Children about the Temple. Retrieved from https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/1985/08/what-i-hope-you-will-teach-your-children-about-the-temple?lang=eng.

Perry, J. K. (n.d.). I Love to See the Temple. Retrieved from https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/friend/2012/10/i-love-to-see-the-temple?lang=eng.

WHY DOES IT MATTER TO YOU ANYWAY?

10/5/2019

(Week 3)

This week I had the “pleasure” of reading the Supreme Court document regarding the Obergefell v Hodges decision. If you are not familiar with that case by simply reading the name of it, let me enlighten you. In 2015, “14 same-sex couples and two men whose same-sex partners are deceased, filed suits…claiming that [their states were violating] the Fourteenth Amendment by denying them the right to marry or to have marriages lawfully performed in another State given full recognition” (Obergefell 1).

Yep. You read that paragraph right. This “Eternal Families” post is about the debate to legalize same-sex marriage. It was bound to happen, right? It is a topic that cannot be avoided, and frankly, should not be avoided because it is extremely important to a lot of people.

WHY DO YOU CARE?

Why write about it? Aren’t there enough blog posts, social media posts, news stories, tweets, and who knows what else about the subject? Why add to the debate? Quite honestly, I’m ready for it to not be a debate anymore. I’m ready for a society where we can share our opinions with one another, different as they may be, and respond with love, kindness, and understanding. It is with those thoughts running through my brain that I want to share why the topic of legalizing same-sex marriage matters to me anyway.

WHY IS MARRIAGE SUCH A BIG DEAL?

Photo cred: pixabay.com

Marriage has been around for a long time and it “did not come about as a result of a political movement, discovery, disease, war, religious doctrine, or any other moving force of world history—and certainly not as a result of a prehistoric decision to exclude gays and lesbians. It arose in the nature of things to meet a vital need: ensuring that children are conceived by a mother and father committed to raising them in the stable conditions of a lifelong relationship” (Obergefell 43-44). People got married so they could procreate because in order for the human race to survive, people must procreate.

“Confucius taught that marriage lies at the foundation of government” (Obergefell 8). The late Elder L. Tom Perry, an Apostle of Jesus Christ said that, “a great number of secular people have concluded that a committed marriage and family lifestyle is the most sensible, the most economical, and the happiest way to live” (Perry). Marriage is important to many people, especially those who are religious and “offers unique fulfillment to those who find meaning in the secular realm” (Obergefell 8).

WHY THE DEBATE ABOUT LEGALIZING SAME-SEX MARRIAGE?

Personally, I don’t see the big deal about the debate. I do believe that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God, but I don’t have any ill will or hard feelings to those people who want to be in a same-sex relationship or marriage. I understand that there are many people out there who don’t believe in God, or who have a different belief about what God ordains and doesn’t ordain, and I respect their feelings and opinions.

But, as a disciple of the Lord Jesus Christ, I have an obligation to defend the Lord’s plan of salvation and that includes defending marriage between a man and a woman and the eternal family. President Russell M. Nelson said, “…during these perilous times, life will not be comfortable for true disciples of the Lord Jesus Christ” (Nelson). So yes, it’s uncomfortable for me to write this post and it’s taken me WAY longer than I anticipated it would. But I also know that I don’t stand alone. I have made covenants with God and I will be able to use the power of those covenants to help me stand up for what I believe while at the same time, being kind, understanding, and tolerant in my expression of those beliefs.

Photo cred: pixabay.com

Works Cited:

Nelson, R. M. (2014, August). Provo.

Obergefell v Hodges, 2015, Supreme Court Case

ETERNAL FAMILIES