Sound familiar, ladies?
How many times have I yelled out in frustration, "Why do I have to do this?" It has been the first question on my "list of things to ask God" for many, many years. And although I had a complete hysterectomy in 2012, I have surprised myself and my doctors by having Phantom PMS symptoms. How is that fair? I was looking forward to being a "normal" person and not having to experience monthly bloating, irrational outbursts, and irritation with everything around me, among other things. (But let's be real here, is anyone ever really "normal" with no irrational outbursts or annoyances? Ya. I didn't think so.)
The latest saga in the PMS life of Desirae happened this weekend. At first, I didn't even realize what was happening. The weekend started great and I was happy, but things slowly started to creep downhill and I found myself getting more and more irritated with stupid little things. Then WHAM-O! Sunday night comes and it is melt-down city for me, baby. I threw a big mommy temper tantrum and sent myself to a Time Out. I took out my journal, vented some frustrations, and allowed myself a pity party.
When I woke up on Monday morning, I was still not feeling quite like myself so I took a moment, found a quiet place, and knelt down to pray. Now, don't get me wrong. This is not the first time that I prayed during my PMS weekend. However, it was the first time that I prayed with a heart that I had willed to calm down.
Guess what happened?
As I was praying, a light bulb went on in my head and I received an answer that I wasn't asking for or expecting. It wasn't a thundering shout or even a small whisper. It was just a simple thought that popped into my head. I thought,
"Maybe we have PMS so that we have to rely on God for help at least once a month."
Maybe that sounds a bit ridiculous, but go with me here.
What if God, in all His wisdom, blessed the women of the world with PMS so that we would always have at least one reason to check in with Him every single month? I don't know about you, but there have been many prayers uttered during my time with PMS symptoms, begging for the pain to subside or for the raging lunatic to be calmed.
Think about this for a moment. When your life is going good--the bills are all paid, the family is healthy, the cars are all running and life is fantastic, how easy is it to forget to check in with God? We all have a tendency to check in with Him often when the storms are raging, but when the calm breezes of life are blowing, it's easy to just give Him a wave and say, "Things are going great right now, but thanks for thinking of me anyway!"
But when that week from "you know where" hits, we need Him. At least, I need Him. I don't like being a lunatic (not an angry one anyway) and although I don't suffer from cramps anymore, I do have other symptoms that make me uncomfortable and irritable. So, I pray. I plead. I beg. I ask that I can have an extra set of angel hands to help me endure the madness.
I like to think that I am a strong, independent woman. I stand up for things that I believe in. I am secure in my role as a wife, mother, teacher, student, and whatever other hat I may be wearing at any given moment.
I hope that I never, ever get so independent that I forget to be dependent
on the God who created me.
So yes, I am going to say it, I am finally grateful for PMS in my life. With all of its horrors, I have also been blessed with peace--peace in knowing that in the grand scheme of life, it only lasts for a short time, that my family usually forgives me rather quickly for the "raging lunatic" moments, and that every month I will have at least one opportunity where I will be gently reminded that I need to check in with God.
I am loving my second chance at life.
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