SELF-CONTROL: IS IT POSSIBLE?

We all have those moments, don't we? You know the ones I am talking about...

*The delicious brownies sitting there on the counter. I know I've already had one, but surely it won't be a problem if I have 5, 6, or even 7 more today.

*A monthly gym membership that you are paying for, but Netflix just added the new season of your favorite show. The gym will be there tomorrow.

*I know that I need to not eat gluten because my body responds better when I don't, but that breadstick looks so amazing!

The list could go on, for sure, but I want to keep this post in positiveity land, not "am I really that powerless" land.

SELF-CONTROL: THE DEFINITION

"Self-control is the ability to govern ourselves in righteousness. When we are able to control ourselves, we increase our self-esteem and our ability to help build God’s kingdom on earth" (Self Control 1).

"The ability to control oneself, in particular one's emotions and desires or the expression of them in one's behavior, especially in difficult situations" (Google Dictionary).

This is one of those times where Google and God are in sync. The ability to control oneself...in difficult situations...allows us to increase our self-esteem and our ability to help build God's kingdom on earth...by being where He needs us to be when He needs us to be there.

I think we all mostly understand the definition of self-control. I feel like the problem lies in implementing the self-control. Am I right?

How do I have those delicious brownies stare me in the face and only eat one? How do I overcome my desire to stay at home on the couch instead of working out at the gym? How do I stay away from the breads that I love so much so that I don't spend half my life in the bathroom suffering from the effects of gluten overload? (TMI? So sorry, lol.)

Is it possible to have self-control? Absolutely. Is it hard to do? Sometimes it can be. I want to share a couple of different view points: a "wordly" viewpoint and a spiritual viewpoint. That way, wherever you are in your life, hopefully you will be able to identify with some of these suggestions to help you on your road to self-mastery.

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THE WORLD'S SUGGESTIONS:

From Psychology Today:

Whether the temptation is drugs, food, or scrolling through Twitter instead of working, everyone has domains of life in which they wish they could exercise a little more willpower. How can an individual build this critical skill? Recent research points to the use of rewards, routines, and mindfulness practices as possible ways to establish better habits and regulate behavior over the long-term" (Self Control 2)

That article goes on to point out that sometimes the only way to exhibit self-control is to avoid those things that trigger us. Don't walk past the bakery and all of its delicious smells. Don't turn the TV on. It's not easy to do, but strengthening our willpower "can significantly improve health, performance at work, and quality of life" (Psychology Today).

From Forbes Magazine:

The Six Secrets of Self-Control:
1.  Meditate:  "Meditation actually trains your brain to become a self-control machine...Even simple techniques like mindfulness, which involves taking as little as five minutes a day to focus on nothing more than your breathing and your senses, improves your self-awareness and your brain’s ability to resist destructive impulses."
2.  Eat:  "Your brain burns heavily into your stores of glucose when attempting to exert self-control...Eating something that provides a slow burn for your body, such as whole grain rice or meat, will give you a longer window of self-control. So, if you’re having trouble keeping yourself out of the company candy bin when you’re hungry, make sure you eat something else if you want to have a fighting chance."
3.  Exercise: "Getting your body moving for as little as 10 minutes releases GABA, a neurotransmitter that makes your brain feel soothed and keeps you in control of your impulses."
4. Sleep: "When you are tired, your brain cells’ ability to absorb glucose is highly diminished (refer to #2 as to why glucose is important)...What’s worse, without enough sleep you are more likely to crave sugary snacks to compensate for low glucose levels. So, if you’re trying to exert self-control over your eating, getting a good night’s sleep—every night—is one of the best moves you can make."
5.  Ride the Wave: "...The rule of thumb here is to wait at least 10 minutes before succumbing to temptation. You’ll often find that the great wave of desire is now little more than a ripple that you have the power to step right over."
6.  Forgive Yourself: "...When you slip up, it is critical that you forgive yourself and move on. Don’t ignore how the mistake makes you feel; just don’t wallow in it. Instead, shift your attention to what you’re going to do to improve yourself in the future." (Bradberry)

GOD'S SUGGESTIONS:

From the Family Home Evening Resource Book:

"...one of Heavenly Father’s greatest gifts to us is our freedom to act for ourselves (see 2 Nephi 2:27). Without that freedom, we could never develop self-control; instead, we would be controlled by forces outside ourselves. Although we cannot change other people nor always control circumstances, we can control the way we react to people and circumstances. We decide our own emotional responses, and we can change and control them."

This lesson on self-control goes on to explain five ways in which we can practice self-control.

1.  Delay an expression of anger until you find a constructive way to deal with the situation.

2. Get involved with a physical activity to help release tensions and drain off the poisons they produce.

3. Recall a motivating poem, scripture, or thought. Two good ones are, “Master yourself and you can master anything” (old proverb), and “No Man is free who cannot command himself” (Pythagoras, in The Home Book of Quotations, sel. Burton Stevenson [New York: Dodd, Mead and Co., 1956], p. 722).

4. If another person is involved, express your feelings to him without condemning, labeling, name-calling, or accusing.

5. Pray for help in controlling your feelings or for strength to do the difficult task.

Help from the scriptures:

"O wretched man that I am! Who shall deliver me from the body of this death? I thank God through Jesus Christ our Lord. So then with the mind I myself serve the law of God; but with the flesh the law of sin" (Romans 7:24-25).

In other words: Choose a path of righteousness and ask God for help.

"For is ye live after the flesh, ye shall die: but if ye through the Spirit do mortify the deeds of the body, ye shall live" (Romans 8:13).

In other words: The companionship of the Holy Ghost can make it possible for you to exercise self-control.

I see a couple of connecting themes in all of these suggestions. First, meditate and delay. Don't allow yourself to express your first destructive reaction (such as reaching for brownie #2). Take a moment, pray, and fill your mind with other positive thoughts. 

The second connection I saw is how important physical activity is to helping us develop self-control over a situation. I know that once I get to the gym and start working out, I feel better than I feel after sitting on the couch for 2 hours binge watching a show. Get up, get moving, and feel better!

Lastly, forgiveness of yourself and others. This is huge! How many times have I beaten myself up for those times when I lacked self-control? At least 9,689 (but who's counting, right?) Allow yourself to be human, to make mistakes. Then, get up, and start again. Along this same vein, allow others to be human, to slip up, and to make mistakes. Remember, we are all in this life together and we are all just doing the best we can do. 

"Jesus is Tempted" Photo cred: churchofjesuschrist.org

We have the best example of self-control in our Savior Jesus Christ. He was hungry after fasting for 40 days when Satan came to him and tempted him to turn a rock into bread. Did the Savior give in to the temptation? No. He said, "Get thee hence, Satan." He knew that His mission was greater than any satisfaction He would get from eating bread when He was starving.

Although we will never perfect the virtue of self-control in this life, we can have perfect moments in exercising self-control. We can celebrate those moments and allow them to mold us into better people. We can remember those moments when we are struggling with self-control, and above all else, we can remember our Savior and Redeemer who has promised us that if we "pray always" we "may come off conqueror" and "conquer Satan" (D7C 10:5).

Let's do this. Brownies, Netflix, and Bread...you better watch out.

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Works Cited:

Bradberry, T. (2014, October 21). The Six Secrets of Self-Control. Retrieved from https://www.forbes.com/sites/travisbradberry/2012/09/17/the-six-secrets-of-self-control/#8f45a242d4e6.
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Self-control. (n.d.). Retrieved from https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/manual/family-home-evening-resource-book/lesson-ideas/self-control?lang=eng.

​Self-Control. (n.d.). Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/self-control.