Do you know the saying, "banging your head against a brick wall?"
I feel like I have been doing that for a very long time now. In fact, I have been doing it for so long that it doesn't even hurt or phase me anymore. It's become more of a comfort than anything and I have grown to love my brick wall.
When I started writing my book several years ago, this brick wall appeared. At first, I just sort of stared at it, wondering where on earth it came from and why it was there. As I became more engrossed in the writing process, I began tapping on the wall with my fingertips; ever so gently, but firmly. Then all of the sudden, WHAM! I made the first contact with my head, and it hurt. It hurt a lot.
Eventually the pain faded and so did the bruise, but the wall stayed intact and I kept working. Writing, and rewriting. With nothing more than a faded memory of high school English, faith, and a desire to help others, I kept writing.
WHAM! Another hit. Another bump. Another faded bruise.
Tears. Frustration. Hopelessness. "I don't know what I'm doing!!"
Why do I keep doing this?
Wait, this time it didn't hurt as much. Interesting. Either the wall is getting softer or my head is getting tougher. Probably the latter.
Fast forward a few years...
The wall is still there. There is a groove where my head has connected thousands of times. It doesn't hurt when I make contact anymore. It's just become part of my life.
I heard back from another publishing company today. Same story. Different company.
"We love what you have written. We think that it can be an inspiration for a lot of people. We can't publish it because memoir sales are in the toilet." (Okay, those aren't the actual words, but you get the picture.)
Yes. I know very well that selling a memoir is tough. (There are at least 467 hits on my brick wall because of that.)
Yes. I know that what I have written can be inspirational for people. I am grateful for that. So very grateful for that.
Yes. I know that my social media following is minimal and that these days, you cannot sell books if you don't have a following on social media. I have heard it a bazillion different times. (There are somewhere in the neighborhood of 1254 + hits on my brick wall because of social media.)
Now, I keep cleaning up by book so that I can get more paperbacks printed and up on Amazon. I buy a few copies here and a few copies there to have on hand and in my car so that when someone says, "Hey! I need to buy a copy of your book!", I will be prepared.
Now, I keep sharing positivity and encouragement to the few social media followers I do have who care to read what I have to say.
Now, I grab my trusty pillow, strap it to the old noggin and keep hitting against the brick wall. For the rest of my life if I have to because I was supposed to write this book. If not for anyone else but myself.
But most of all, I just need to keep hitting the brick wall. Eventually, it will crack. Maybe it already has. Who knows what will be on the other side? Knowing me, it will probably just be another brick wall, but that's okay. If all else fails and I decide that I don't want to hit my head on a brick wall anymore, then I can always take a selfie in front of it, right?
On second though, probably not. I'm not very good at selfies. #selfiechallenged.
Strapping on the Pillow
I love my brick wall.
It's taken me a long time to get to this place of professing my love for the brick wall. And although I do love it, sometimes I don't like it. But the brick wall keeps me strong. It keeps me from giving up because I want to see what's on the other side! Even if it's just another brick wall.
Everyone has a brick wall or two or three. What is (are) the brick wall (or walls) in your life?
It's time to strap on your pillow, and get to work, don't you think?
I am loving my second chance at life.
What's Happening on
Copyright Desirae Ogden, www.desiraeogden.com, 2015.
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