Do you know the saying, "banging your head against a brick wall?"
When I started writing my book several years ago, this brick wall appeared. At first, I just sort of stared at it, wondering where on earth it came from and why it was there. As I became more engrossed in the writing process, I began tapping on the wall with my fingertips; ever so gently, but firmly. Then all of the sudden, WHAM! I made the first contact with my head, and it hurt. It hurt a lot.
Eventually the pain faded and so did the bruise, but the wall stayed intact and I kept working. Writing, and rewriting. With nothing more than a faded memory of high school English, faith, and a desire to help others, I kept writing.
WHAM! Another hit. Another bump. Another faded bruise.
Tears. Frustration. Hopelessness. "I don't know what I'm doing!!"
Why do I keep doing this?
Wait, this time it didn't hurt as much. Interesting. Either the wall is getting softer or my head is getting tougher. Probably the latter.
Fast forward a few years...
I heard back from another publishing company today. Same story. Different company.
"We love what you have written. We think that it can be an inspiration for a lot of people. We can't publish it because memoir sales are in the toilet." (Okay, those aren't the actual words, but you get the picture.)
Yes. I know very well that selling a memoir is tough. (There are at least 467 hits on my brick wall because of that.)
Yes. I know that what I have written can be inspirational for people. I am grateful for that. So very grateful for that.
Yes. I know that my social media following is minimal and that these days, you cannot sell books if you don't have a following on social media. I have heard it a bazillion different times. (There are somewhere in the neighborhood of 1254 + hits on my brick wall because of social media.)
Now, I keep sharing positivity and encouragement to the few social media followers I do have who care to read what I have to say.
Now, I grab my trusty pillow, strap it to the old noggin and keep hitting against the brick wall. For the rest of my life if I have to because I was supposed to write this book. If not for anyone else but myself.
But most of all, I just need to keep hitting the brick wall. Eventually, it will crack. Maybe it already has. Who knows what will be on the other side? Knowing me, it will probably just be another brick wall, but that's okay. If all else fails and I decide that I don't want to hit my head on a brick wall anymore, then I can always take a selfie in front of it, right?
On second though, probably not. I'm not very good at selfies. #selfiechallenged.
Strapping on the Pillow
I am grateful that I have a pillow to soften the blow. If I didn't have that, then my face would be pretty messed up right now. Where did I find this pillow? I'm glad you asked. I found it in a little thing called,
The Atonement of Jesus Christ.
You see, the Atonement encompasses everything; my sins, my pains, my sicknesses, my sorrows. The Atonement enables me to do things that are hard, like
*writing a memoir,
*editing that memoir mostly on your own (with the help of some pretty great friends),
*publishing that memoir on your own,
*trying to stay sane while doing all of the above things,
*oh, and trying not to neglect my family in the process.
I love my brick wall.
Everyone has a brick wall or two or three. What is (are) the brick wall (or walls) in your life?