Do you know the saying, "banging your head against a brick wall?"
I feel like I have been doing that for a very long time now. In fact, I have been doing it for so long that it doesn't even hurt or phase me anymore. It's become more of a comfort than anything and I have grown to love my brick wall.
When I started writing my book several years ago, this brick wall appeared. At first, I just sort of stared at it, wondering where on earth it came from and why it was there. As I became more engrossed in the writing process, I began tapping on the wall with my fingertips; ever so gently, but firmly. Then all of the sudden, WHAM! I made the first contact with my head, and it hurt. It hurt a lot.
Eventually the pain faded and so did the bruise, but the wall stayed intact and I kept working. Writing, and rewriting. With nothing more than a faded memory of high school English, faith, and a desire to help others, I kept writing.
WHAM! Another hit. Another bump. Another faded bruise.
Tears. Frustration. Hopelessness. "I don't know what I'm doing!!"
Why do I keep doing this?
Wait, this time it didn't hurt as much. Interesting. Either the wall is getting softer or my head is getting tougher. Probably the latter.
Fast forward a few years...
The wall is still there. There is a groove where my head has connected thousands of times. It doesn't hurt when I make contact anymore. It's just become part of my life.
I heard back from another publishing company today. Same story. Different company.
"We love what you have written. We think that it can be an inspiration for a lot of people. We can't publish it because memoir sales are in the toilet." (Okay, those aren't the actual words, but you get the picture.)
Yes. I know very well that selling a memoir is tough. (There are at least 467 hits on my brick wall because of that.)
Yes. I know that what I have written can be inspirational for people. I am grateful for that. So very grateful for that.
Yes. I know that my social media following is minimal and that these days, you cannot sell books if you don't have a following on social media. I have heard it a bazillion different times. (There are somewhere in the neighborhood of 1254 + hits on my brick wall because of social media.)
Now, I keep cleaning up by book so that I can get more paperbacks printed and up on Amazon. I buy a few copies here and a few copies there to have on hand and in my car so that when someone says, "Hey! I need to buy a copy of your book!", I will be prepared.
Now, I keep sharing positivity and encouragement to the few social media followers I do have who care to read what I have to say.
Now, I grab my trusty pillow, strap it to the old noggin and keep hitting against the brick wall. For the rest of my life if I have to because I was supposed to write this book. If not for anyone else but myself.
But most of all, I just need to keep hitting the brick wall. Eventually, it will crack. Maybe it already has. Who knows what will be on the other side? Knowing me, it will probably just be another brick wall, but that's okay. If all else fails and I decide that I don't want to hit my head on a brick wall anymore, then I can always take a selfie in front of it, right?
On second though, probably not. I'm not very good at selfies. #selfiechallenged.
Strapping on the Pillow
I love my brick wall.
It's taken me a long time to get to this place of professing my love for the brick wall. And although I do love it, sometimes I don't like it. But the brick wall keeps me strong. It keeps me from giving up because I want to see what's on the other side! Even if it's just another brick wall.
Everyone has a brick wall or two or three. What is (are) the brick wall (or walls) in your life?
It's time to strap on your pillow, and get to work, don't you think?
I am thankful for blue carpet.
This lovely shade of blue is brought to you by my nephew, Mr. Kaido Man.
It happened months ago and I keep thinking that someday I am going to take my carpet cleaner to it and see if I can restore it to its natural color- or at least close to it.
But something always stops me and instead of worrying about my blue-tinged carpet, I find myself filled with thoughts of thankfulness for the crazy little munchkin man who created this beautiful piece of art. That little guy had a rough start to life and we are just grateful that he is here, even if it means that he blesses us with blue carpet.
A few years ago I probably wouldn't have seen the beauty of this masterpiece.
I would have been too concerned about how it would look, marring the appearance of my home.
Fortunately age, passing time, and a brush with death have brought with them a different perspective to what is truly important in this life--
And that is moments like this, with cute little munchkins who give you blue carpet...
Or any other daily occurrence with anyone in your life that you love.
Including the moments when they do things that make you want to pull your hair out, their hair out, and anybody else's hair out who may be in close proximity.
What it comes down to for me, is this....
Don't sweat the small stuff.
And while we are on the subject, maybe sometimes we should not sweat the big stuff either.
Life is way too short.
When the "stuff" in your life seems a bit overwhelming and you find yourself breaking out in beads of sweat, remember things like blue carpet, and know that ultimately, everything will be okay.
It may take hours, days, weeks, months, or even years-
but all will be alright in the end.
And keep being thankful for blue carpet.
I love this holiday.
The food, the family, the opportunity to give thanks for our bounteous blessings.
I am grateful for my life, my family, my Savior, and my friends. Everything else is just stuff, which I am grateful for as well. But if I lost all of that "stuff" tomorrow, it wouldn't matter. It's the love in our lives that truly matters and no matter what circumstance you find yourself in, you ALWAYS have the love of our Heavenly Father and His Son, Jesus Christ.
I close this post with the words of one of my favorite American presidents, Abraham Lincoln.
Many thanks to my friend, Angela, for posting this quote on Facebook this morning. I am grateful to have it brought to my attention.
I hope that this Thanksgiving finds you happy in whatever circumstance you are in.
Remember, we have that choice. The choice to be happy. The choice to be grateful.
I hope you have noticed my beautiful new header. For this Thankful Thursday post, I would love to tell you the story behind it.
As I have been trying to figure out how to make this website appealing for people to visit, I knew I wanted a super cool header and logo. I tried playing around with a few things and checked around on Etsy, but I just could not settle on something that I loved. I have a friend, Arlene, who is an amazing graphic designer. She has done a number of posters and advertisements for things at the elementary school my kids went to. I have loved everything that I have seen her do.
This logo is no exception.
It is perfect.
I sent her an email a week or so ago asking her if she would be willing and/or able to take on this task for me. I could not stop thinking about asking for her help. You know what that means? It means it was meant to be. I told her a little bit about the website and my vision for it. She was so kind to work on this without charging me a penny. (Although she may find a special little gift on her doorstep one of these days.) I had a vision in my head of a radiant sun to represent my "One Day at a Time" theme. I knew I also wanted to incorporate the cancer ribbon somewhere, as well as my four kiddos.
When I opened her email a few days later and saw what she had come up with, my eyes filled with tears. It was so perfectly perfect. Better than anything I ever imagined. She said that she chose to do 4 stars to represent my kiddos, which I loved. I am also in love with the way the cancer ribbon is incorporated right into the sun's rays.
It makes me smile and I am so grateful for wonderful friends who are so kind.
I realize that I am not the only one who has chosen Thursday as a day to write a post on gratitude. It is such a perfect alliteration though. (Wow, that is a big word. I wish I could say that I knew it. I had to turn to the Love of my Life for help with that....)
I started my Thankful Thursday posts on my previous blog. You can click here if you would like to read any of those past posts.
I would like to continue that tradition here and so today, I would like to say that I am thankful for....
You can bet there will be a rematch next year.
I am loving my second chance at life.
What's Happening on
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