Category: Podcasts

Parenting with Principles- Parenting the Anxious Child: Part 2

5/22/2018

Guys. I have a confession to make. Writing these posts has been
H-A-R-D. Like harder than I imagined, and I imagined that it would be hard.

Once I get writing, the words start to flow, but it's the actual making myself sit down and do it that has been the hard task. Why? I'm not sure. I feel like I should share things I have learned, but sometimes I feel like if I am supposed to be writing these posts, it should be easier, shouldn't it?

*SIGH.* I don't know. Maybe it comes back to the thing that writing posts vs. not writing posts is ALWAYS about...does anyone really care? Is it worth my time to write? The answer to those questions is...I don't know. Maybe I will never know. I guess I will just keep doing what I am doing and someday, maybe I will have an answer to one or both of those questions...

Anyway...

On to the next part of "Parenting an Anxious Child". Hopefully you have been able to read and/or listen to my first post on this topic. I felt that offering some background on why I have an opinion on this topic would be helpful before spewing my "knowledge" all over this blog. I have been trying to decide the best way to approach this second post and I think I will just start at the beginning and share some things I learned during each phase of Abbie's life.

Birth-Toddler

Abbie has been an independent child from the very beginning...from before her life on this earth began, actually. She was an unexpected pregnancy because, as I like to say, "She has been doing exactly what she wants to do from before she was even born."

When Abbie was a baby, it was obviously impossible to know that she was destined to wage a war with anxiety and depression. The only thing we knew for sure was that she was an independent firecracker with a zest for life, intense personality, and highly attuned senses.

Where other kids would simply cry if something was too loud, too bright, or too obnoxious, Abbie would scream and pitch a huge fit. Often times, she would be inconsolable. This was a challenge, to say the very least. It was like parenting a ticking time bomb with no knowledge about when the next explosion would be.

Now, I don't want to have you think that Abbie was a terrible baby/toddler. She wasn't. She had plenty of sweet moments, which is why I kept thinking, "Is my baby bi-polar?" It was worrisome at times, but I did not know what to do. So, I prayed a lot, and read a lot, trying to find some answers.

One answer that I kept getting was, "This girl needs her independent spirit to do some really hard and amazing things, so you need to be patient with her."

Okay. Much easier said than done. Especially for a mother who has (or had, I am much better now) a short fuse. Some days would go really well, I was able to stay patient, and deal with the independence in a healthy manner. Other days...not so much. Those were the really hard days; the days I would go to bed in tears because I knew I was the most terrible mother in the world. What mother loses her patience with a baby/toddler? (Well, actually, I think it's safe to say that all mothers have done that at one point or another. The adversary just wanted to make sure that I felt alone in my trials. He's good at that. I don't like that about him.) But, that's a story for another blog post. Let's get on with some suggestions.

Suggestions for Birth-Toddler Years

*Don't forget to breathe.
-Step back. Take some deep breaths. Reset your frustrated brain.

*Try music.
-Not too loud. If you're dealing with a baby/toddler who may have sensory issues, loud music will be a problem. Play around with different genres and artists until you find a style that your baby/toddler reacts calmly to.

*Establish a daily routine, including a bedtime routine.
-I know this is easier said than done a lot of the time. However, the more you can stick to a routine with any baby or toddler, the better. Especially with
a baby who has any sort of sensory issues. Some of the things that Abbie enjoyed with her bedtime routine was a song from mom, a story or two, and
some lavender-scented lotion on her little feet.

*Don't forget to pray.
-Whatever religion you practice, whatever God you believe in, prayer is the key. God knows you and He knows your child. He knows how to help you
become a better parent. Trust in His wisdom and guidance.

Preschool Years

This is what I wrote on my family's blog the day Abbie started preschool...

"Yeah! The day has finally come! Abbie started preschool today. I was praying that she would wake up in a good mood so that she would go without crying and my prayers were answered! (Abbie in a bad mood = NO FUN AT ALL!)..."

Well, there you have it. The preschool years were a bit of a struggle. If I would have known then what I know now, I maybe would have been more patient, more understanding. I didn't know that her brain wasn't working properly, I just chalked it up to being a fireball of personality--for good or bad.

But, even if I would have talked to a specialist sooner, I don't know that I would have been willing to do medication. I wasn't there yet. I could have learned better tools, however, which would have saved me a lot of stress and worry myself.

It was during this time that I was introduced to the book, Parenting the Ephraims' Child by Deborah Talmadge and Jaime Theler. It helped me A TON! I highly recommend it if you are experiencing a child with any of these traits:

*Upcoming family vacations involving eating out, amusement parks, condos with balconies, plane rides, or car rides give you nightmares.
*Silence is a foreshadowing of disaster.
*Your child doesn't cry--he wails.
*Taking your child to a movie is more of a workout than going to the gym.
*You are already exhausted by the end of breakfast.
*You are afraid to program your phone's memory dial because you know your child will call Grandma at 5:30 a.m. when he bounds out of bed.
*Your list of instructions to your child takes five minutes. For example: do not hit your brother, or punch him, or kick him, or push him, or head-butt him, or
tackle him; do not get off your bed, take off the blankets, throw pillows, toys, or books into your brother's crib; do not climb on the dresser, pull the
clothes out of the drawers, jump on the bed, yell, kick the wall, open the blinds, or take all your clothes off.
*Your child's whole world crashes because you cut her waffle into bite-size pieces and she wanted it whole.
*During your child's 30-minute TV show he has managed to climb all over every piece of furniture in the room--multiple times.
*Others look at you, shake their heads and say, "You are in for it."
*You receive parenting books for Christmas.

Talmadge, D., & Theler, J. (2004). Parenting the Ephraim's Child (1st ed.). Springville, UT: Horizon. (15-16).

Suggestions for Preschool Years

(Some are the same as the baby/toddler suggestions...)

*Don't forget to breathe.
-Step back. Take a few breaths. Reset your brain.

*Establish a daily routine, especially a bedtime routine.
-Same reasons as the baby/toddler section. Routines are key for kids. "Establishing a consistent routine can reduce some of your child's tyrannical behavior. If he knows what to expect, then he will feel more in control." Talmadge, D., & Theler, J. (2004). Parenting the Ephraim's Child (1st ed.). Springville, UT: Horizon. (151).

*Give choices
-Not too many choices, but offering a couple of different options helps your anxious child to feel more in control of situations.

*Practice Active Listening
-Active listening includes getting down at your child's level; looking them in the eye when you are having a conversation with him/her. Active listening
also includes actually listening and not interrupting. This was one of my pitfalls--I have learned over the years that listening is so much more important
and helpful than constantly interrupting with my "good" ideas.

*Don't forget to pray.
-Again, God knows you and He knows your child. He knows that she has been throwing tantrum after tantrum all day. He knows about the
communication barrier and the high level of frustration. ASK HIM FOR HELP, and then be willing to do what you feel is right, OR accept help from that
neighbor/mom/sister/friend/husband who calls out of the blue and says, "I felt like you needed me today. What can I do to help?"

To be continued...

Next time I will finish up my ramblings on parenting an anxious child with the elementary school years and middle school years (which I am in the middle of right now, so any suggestions from parents with older kids will be appreciated. :)

Parenting with Principles- The Anxious Child: Part 1

5/8/2018

Click here for Podcast!

Let me begin with a little preface to this post...

I'm still learning and I am not a professional.

Am I the parent of 1 (or more) child(ren) who deal with anxiety and worry? Yes.
Am I a professional therapist/counselor? No.
Have I counseled with professionals to find ways to help my children? Yes.
Am I an expert on this subject? No.

Now that we have established that this post is based off my experiences, answered prayers, and opinion, we can move forward.

As I mentioned in my introductory post for this blog series, my intent with this series is to learn more myself, share what I have learned with other parents who may be struggling with similar issues, and be taught by other parents who have made it through similar issues.

Let's dive in...headfirst, in the shallow end.

I have four children. My oldest will by 19 soon and my youngest is 11. In the realm of parenting, I feel like I am somewhere between the beginning and the middle...not a beginner, but definitely not close to the end. Becoming a mom was the one thing I wanted to do in my life. I didn't care about a career, schooling, or anything else, really. I just wanted to be a mom. Can you blame me when my kids have turned out this cute? Lol.

When everything didn't turn out like I had envisioned...

You know the vision I am talking about.

*You are the parent who patiently talks your kids through a temper tantrum and at the end of the tantrum, there are hugs and kisses and everyone is happy with no lingering emotional scars.

*Every day is filled with bliss because you have family scripture study every morning and you say your family prayers twice a day. There ain't no way Satan's busting through that armor...

*All of your children are well-adjusted, beautiful human beings who love being with each other, share with each other, serve one another, and basically never exhibit any signs of anything being "wrong."

Anyone else rolling their eyes and laughing at this point?

Ya. I know. I was living in dream land. This type of scenario is absolutely, 100% not possible. Why? Because we are human, that's why, and...our kids are human too. We all have weaknesses, frailties, and challenges that affect our thoughts, words, and actions, every single day. No one ever said parenting was going to be easy, and anyone who does say that is either not a parent, or is living in an alternate reality.

Skip to the good part...

Let's get down to it. You are here to learn about parenting an anxious child, not to read/listen to me babble on about how my journey with parenting is completely different than the journey I imagined it would be.

If you'll notice, this post is labeled "The Anxious Child: Part 1" because there is no way I would every be able to cover everything I have learned in one post. As I have pondered how to organize my thoughts for this post, I thought it would be best to start with a brief history of why I have experience with this topic.

Meet Abbie...

Abbie is my third child. When she was born, she had Pulmonary Hypertension which basically means that her heart did not make the switch from pumping through my placenta to working on its own. Because of this, she had to be on oxygen for the first 24 hours or so.

Fortunately, we were able to take her home when I was ready to be released from the hospital and we settled into a routine with three kids. Everything was going along crazily, but well, until she was two months old. At that time, she had to be hospitalized because of an infection in her intestines, which they linked back to what had happened to her at birth. The theory is that when her heart wasn't working properly, her intestines may have been deprived of oxygen for a time, causing them to be more susceptible to infection.

After that craziness, life went on pretty normally. Just livin' the dream of having three kids, living with your in-laws because you're building a home. Fortunately, my in-laws are saints and this experience was not as terrible as you are all imagining. We loved living there, especially our kids. It was a party at grandma's house every day! Who wouldn't love that?

As soon as Abbie could sit in a highchair, we could see that she had a very independent personality. I know she was blessed with that because she is needed to do some pretty amazing things in this world. It's knowing how to teach her how to use that independence for good that gets tricky.

Trying to tame the lion.

As Abbie got older, her independence and intense personality became more pronounced and there were some days where I truly did feel like a lion tamer. I loved her to pieces and she was the sweetest little girl, but sometimes I wondered if she had split personalities or if she could be bi-polar. The change from sweet to sassy was in an instant and there seemed to be no regular triggers that we could avoid.

I tried everything I could think of to learn how to be a better mom to her and be better capable of helping her learn how to use her strong spirit in good ways...

Many, many prayers said. Too many to count.
Many, many days fasting along with those prayers.
Diving into any book that anyone recommended for me. (One of my favorites was Parenting the Ephraim's Child by Deborah Talmadge.)
I talked and talked and talked some more to any parent who would talk with me who seemed to have a child with similar characteristics.
I created chore charts, behavior charts, schedule charts. You name it. Anything that would help her stay focused and stay away from meltdowns.
I tried nearly every Essential Oil known for calming kids, and none of them worked because she was super sensitive to smells.

I remember when she was 5 or 6, I had the idea (or revelation from the Spirit who was trying to help me succeed), that I should offer Abbie some "Sweet Pills" when she was having a meltdown. This is one thing that did work for quite some time, so it's something you could definitely try in your own home. The idea was that I had a jar of little candies (I used the tiny Sweet Tart Mini Chewies, which were her favorite) and the only time she could have this candy was when she needed a "sweet pill" to help her chase away the grumpies and be sweet again. It didn't bring her out of every single meltdown, but a good majority of the time, it offered her enough of a distraction to reset to the point where I could at least talk to her without yelling (from me or her.)

Reaching Out.

By the time Abbie was about 8 years old, my husband and I decided that maybe we needed to reach out for some professional help. I was winding down with my breast cancer treatments and I wanted to make sure that my cancer was not contributing to Abbie's mental health problems.

We met with a therapist who diagnosed Abbie with Sensory Anxiety and Depression. I remember being really surprised at that diagnosis. Anxiety? How is Abbie exhibiting anxiety? She's not nervous or worried. She doesn't really cry at new situations. But then the therapist explained some other symptoms of anxiety: lashing out because something is giving you anxiety and you don't know how to deal with it, stomach cramps/pains, being calm in school, but having meltdown after meltdown at home because it's a "safe" place where no one will make fun of you for freaking out, to name a few.

And also, depression? Where was that coming in to play? Abbie definitely was not lethargic or wanting to stay in bed all day and not face the world. Again, the therapist helped me learn that kids often exhibit other symptoms when they are depressed: meltdowns, swift mood changes, difficulty with relationships, etc.

Although I left the first session more overwhelmed than when I came in, it was nice to have an official diagnosis and know that I wasn't just imagining things and that there were some things that we could do to help Abbie navigate her illness. (And yes, anxiety and depression are illnesses...mental illnesses and they need to be addressed and treated just like strep throat or diabetes need to be treated.)

Moving forward...and backward.

I say we moved forward and backward because even though we were learning great things during our therapy sessions, the implementation of those things at home was difficult. It took a great deal of patience (which I lack) and persistence (which is hard when you're just plain tired) to use the tools we had been given.

Not only was it hard to remember to use the tools in the heat of the moment, Abbie kept growing up and maturing, which then brought hormones into the game, which...changed the whole game. We decided that it would be in Abbie's best interest to start trying Zoloft as a way to help her brain function properly. When we first started down the therapy road, I did not want to resort to medication. But, as one of Abbie's therapists explained so well, if she was a diabetic, you wouldn't withhold medication from her, would you? No! That's crazy! Of course I wouldn't? So why, then, was it so hard to say, "Yes, let's try some mediation to help"? One word...STIGMA. There is a definite stigma associated with mental health and medication and I had fallen into the trap.

Abbie's brain was not functioning in a manner that was allowing her to face certain situations in a healthy, rational manner. Instead, her brain was forcing her to exhibit symptoms of anxiety and depression and there was nothing she could do to stop it. It was highly frustrating for her, who just desperately wanted to be a "normal" kid and not freak out all the time, but she just couldn't, no matter how many tools/exercises she used.

The end and the beginning.

That really leads us to where we are today. Abbie is now 14 years old and has worked so hard to battle these demons in her life. She continues to work hard every day and some days, the fight is just too hard. Those are really hard days and they are difficult to watch. But, she is a fighter, and just like she fought to live when she was born, she will continue to fight her mental illness until the day she dies. She is one of the strongest girls I know and I am so grateful to have her in my life. I have learned a lot of lessons just from being blessed to be her mother.

As I end this post, I leave you with the promise that this is only the beginning. Next week, I will share more information on how we battled each of the stages that I mentioned in this post. Thanks for sticking with me as I introduced Abbie. I felt it was important to share this background with you, in order to successfully relay to you some of the things that have worked (and not worked) for us.

Until next week...

Keep up the good work.
You're doing better than you think.
You've got this.

Parenting with Principles-
NEW BLOG SERIES

Mental Health Myths

What I Will Tell My Kids

Parenting with Principles- NEW BLOG SERIES!

5/2/2018

Click here to listen to this post!

Are you ready for this?!?

I have been toying with the idea of doing a Parenting series on this blog for a long time now.

After taking a Family Relations class and a Parenting class over the past year, I feel like my brain is bursting with information that would have been helpful to me years ago. Although, I don't know if I would have internalized the information years ago in the same way that I was able to at this stage of my life.

At any rate, knowing that the best way to truly learn something is to not only practice it, but to teach it to someone, I feel the need to share some of the information I have learned.

I am also hoping that these posts will inspire feedback from you! Guess what my parenting friends?? It truly does "take a village to raise a child" and we are all in this together. Let's stop judging one another's parenting skills and join together to help each other out.

Before we get too far, there's something you should know...

I am NOT a parenting expert. I do have 4 amazing children whom I have been parenting for the last 18 1/2 years, but that does not, I repeat DOES NOT make me a parenting expert. If there is one thing I have learned over the last year, it's that there are truly only two parenting experts, our Heavenly Parents.

If it surprises you that I am bringing God into this conversation, then you must be new around here. God is a part of EVERYTHING I do. He has given me life, and blessed me with the opportunity to be a parent, among a gazillion other things. So yes, God WILL be a big part of this conversation. Hopefully that doesn't turn you off from participating in this series. Religion and spirituality are deeply personal things. My hope is that when I talk about things of a spiritual nature, you will be able to relate it to whatever religion or spirituality you already have in your life.

Let's get this party started, shall we?

And when I say party, I mean the kind where kids are hanging from the curtains, chasing each other with knives, dumping out their full cereal bowls on the carpet, laughing, and running away. 'Cause that sounds like parenting, doesn't it? At least, that's how it feels a lot of the time.

Parenting is a hard gig; no doubt about it. However, with all of the hard times, there are those magical "can it just stay this way forever" times that make your heart melt, like...

When your children actually exhibit signs that they DO love each other.

When they bring you breakfast in bed after you have spent the day before screaming your lungs out at every little thing they do. #truestory

When your child writes you a letter and says, "I'm so lucky to have you as my mom!" #alsotruestory

When you go to bed at the end of the day and are able to say, "Wow, I had some good parenting moments today." (Haven't been able to say that yet? Stick around. I will help you get there.)

Starting at the beginning...

As we move forward on this journey together, I feel it will be important to recognize something... YOU WILL NEVER BE A PERFECT PARENT, however, you CAN and WILL have PERFECT PARENTING MOMENTS.

With that in mind, we can start in a good place, one in which we recognize that perfection is attainable in small increments. We also need to recognize that not only is it okay to make mistakes as a parent, but it's perfectly okay to ADMIT that you make mistakes as a parent. That is key to moving forward. Yes, parents make mistakes, and it's important that you recognize those mistakes, admit those mistakes, and help your kids see that it is good to admit when you are wrong and learn from your mistakes.

What topics will be covered?

These topics are only some of the ones I want to talk about and each of these topics could be talked about in multiple posts.

I would also love to hear what you want to talk about!
If there is something about parenting that you have reached the end of the road about, or a battle you are facing in which you see no end in sight, let's talk about it! Or, are you one of the lucky parents who has made it through a refiner's fire and have tips for the rest of us? Let's get talking and sharing, friends! Remember, we are all in this parenting gig together. There's no need to go it alone.

Just leave a comment or send me an email and I will add your concern/question/victory/topic to our list.

I have three goals for this blog series:

1. To learn more for myself so that I can be a better parent.
2. To share what I have learned in the trenches and through others more wiser than I to inspire you to be a better parent.
3. To be taught by you so that we can be better parents together!

Let's Do This.

The first topic will focus on parenting an anxious child. This was not how I intended to begin this blog series, but with a focus on Mental Health during the month of May, I thought this would be a fantastic topic to tackle. My plan is to post every Wednesday, so tune in next Wednesday as we begin to discuss parenting kids with mental health needs, specifically, kids with anxiety.

If you have any tips or tricks you would like to share that relates to the topic of parenting kids who battle anxiety, please share them with me!

Until next week...

Keep up the good work.
You're doing better than you think.
You've got this.

Why We Need PMS

2/15/2017

Image cred: Pixabay.com

*Irrational outbursts.
*Explosive temper.
*Excruciating pain that causes you to double over or stay in bed.
*Extreme sensitivity to pretty much everything.

Sound familiar, ladies?

How many times have I yelled out in frustration, "Why do I have to do this?" It has been the first question on my "list of things to ask God" for many, many years. And although I had a complete hysterectomy in 2012, I have surprised myself and my doctors by having Phantom PMS symptoms. How is that fair? I was looking forward to being a "normal" person and not having to experience monthly bloating, irrational outbursts, and irritation with everything around me, among other things. (But let's be real here, is anyone ever really "normal" with no irrational outbursts or annoyances? Ya. I didn't think so.)

The latest saga in the PMS life of Desirae happened this weekend. At first, I didn't even realize what was happening. The weekend started great and I was happy, but things slowly started to creep downhill and I found myself getting more and more irritated with stupid little things. Then WHAM-O! Sunday night comes and it is melt-down city for me, baby. I threw a big mommy temper tantrum and sent myself to a Time Out. I took out my journal, vented some frustrations, and allowed myself a pity party.

When I woke up on Monday morning, I was still not feeling quite like myself so I took a moment, found a quiet place, and knelt down to pray. Now, don't get me wrong. This is not the first time that I prayed during my PMS weekend. However, it was the first time that I prayed with a heart that I had willed to calm down.

Guess what happened?

As I was praying, a light bulb went on in my head and I received an answer that I wasn't asking for or expecting. It wasn't a thundering shout or even a small whisper. It was just a simple thought that popped into my head. I thought,
"Maybe we have PMS so that we have to rely on God for help at least once a month."

Maybe that sounds a bit ridiculous, but go with me here.

What if God, in all His wisdom, blessed the women of the world with PMS so that we would always have at least one reason to check in with Him every single month? I don't know about you, but there have been many prayers uttered during my time with PMS symptoms, begging for the pain to subside or for the raging lunatic to be calmed.

Think about this for a moment. When your life is going good--the bills are all paid, the family is healthy, the cars are all running and life is fantastic, how easy is it to forget to check in with God? We all have a tendency to check in with Him often when the storms are raging, but when the calm breezes of life are blowing, it's easy to just give Him a wave and say, "Things are going great right now, but thanks for thinking of me anyway!"

But when that week from "you know where" hits, we need Him. At least, I need Him. I don't like being a lunatic (not an angry one anyway) and although I don't suffer from cramps anymore, I do have other symptoms that make me uncomfortable and irritable. So, I pray. I plead. I beg. I ask that I can have an extra set of angel hands to help me endure the madness.

I like to think that I am a strong, independent woman. I stand up for things that I believe in. I am secure in my role as a wife, mother, teacher, student, and whatever other hat I may be wearing at any given moment.

BUT...

I hope that I never, ever get so independent that I forget to be dependent
on the God who created me.

So yes, I am going to say it, I am finally grateful for PMS in my life. With all of its horrors, I have also been blessed with peace--peace in knowing that in the grand scheme of life, it only lasts for a short time, that my family usually forgives me rather quickly for the "raging lunatic" moments, and that every month I will have at least one opportunity where I will be gently reminded that I need to check in with God.

Des Goes to School- Note Taking, Discipleship, and Covenants, Oh My!

10/4/2016

I have always been a big note-taker. Conferences, classes, workshops, you name it.
I have probably taken notes for it.

Moment of truth time...I love to see my handwriting scrawled across sheets of paper. Weird? Maybe.
But that's how I roll.

So when I read the objectives for Lesson 3 in my GS class and it said, "Establish effective note-taking skills" I thought to myself, "Oh, piece of cake lesson! I've got this."

When am I ever going to learn that I know nothing?

Although there is really nothing wrong with the way that I have been taking notes, I learned another method that will definitely be more efficient for certain areas of my studies. It's called the Cornell Note Taking method. Ever heard of it? Me neither, but I am here to tell you, it is fabulous. If you are interested in seeing what this method is, I have included a template that you can download that will give you the basic idea of the concept.

cornell_note-taking_system.pdf
File Size:	69 kb
File Type:	pdf

Download File

As I mentioned before, I don't think that I will use this method for every instance when I need to take notes, but it will definitely be beneficial when I have things that I need to study for. It is a great way to keep your notes organized and find information quickly.

Another thing that we talked about this week was "Disciple Prep Centers" and how BYU-I is a place where we can prepare and learn how to be a true disciple of Jesus Christ.

"Discipleship demands the total transformation of a person by putting off the natural man and becoming a Saint through the Atonement." -David A. Bednar

There are three essential lessons to be learned @ BYU-I
1. Have faith that is focused on the Son of God.
2. Faith in the Savior is a spiritual gift. We must seek after faith.
3. Faith in the Savior and spiritual preparation dispel fear.

I am looking forward to my time at BYU-I and am excited about the opportunities it will provide me to not only learn secular information, but will increase my spiritual knowledge as well.

In my religion class we talked about the promises of the Lord. Where can we find promises from the Lord? In the Book of Mormon and the Bible. The Lord has promised us many things and He will keep those promises as we strive to keep promises that we have made with him.

How important is it to keep covenants that you make with God?

Well, I don't know, how important is it for your heart to keep beating or your lungs to keep breathing air? Keeping covenants with God is no different. It is essential to your spiritual survival.

Doctrine & Covenants Section 104:5-6
For I, the Lord, have decreed in my heart, that inasmuch as any man belonging to the order shall be found a
transgressor, or, in other words, shall break the covenant with which ye are bound, he shall be cursed in his life, and shall be trodden down by whom I will;
For I, the Lord, am not to be mocked in these things--

Breaking a covenant with God is a serious matter and if you think that it is not as serious as I am making it out to be, maybe you should get on your knees and ask God how serious He thinks it is.

Pslams 89:28
My mercy will I keep for him for evermore, and my covenant shall stand fast with him.

God will keep His end of the bargain. Can He say the same about you?

Yowza! Sorry to get so deep and "hellfire and damnation" on you, but guys...you have to keep your covenants with God! He is, well...he's God. You cannot fool Him. He knows your heart and He knows your circumstances. Trust in Him. Trust in the covenants that you have made with Him. Focus on those covenants when the distractions and pretty things from the world come into your path. God's covenants will keep you safe. I not only believe this with all of my heart, but I know this with all of my heart because I have seen and felt the power of covenants in my life. I cannot deny the power that is in the covenants that we make with God in the holy temple. They are real and they are powerful.

Songs for the Sabbath- I Love to See the Temple

9/4/2016

It is always interesting to me how many times I find myself waking up on the Sabbath morning with a song or subject burning brightly in my brain. This morning was no different and the song that I had emblazoned on my mind was "I Love to See the Temple." And that got me thinking...maybe I should share WHY we build temples, WHY we need temples, and WHY the temple and the covenants that we make with God there are so important for our salvation and exaltation. Whew. Are you scared yet? Think that I am going to get into some deep (and possibly boring) doctrinal discussion here? Nope. Not deep. Not boring. Just simple, because the gospel of Jesus Christ is not complicated.

Why do we build temples?

I could spent an hour trying to explain why the Mormon church (AKA the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints) builds temples, but why would I do that when there is already a FANTASTIC video that explains the reason in less than 4 minutes? And before you turn away and say,

"Well, of course she puts a video up that was made by the Mormon church. It's going to give me a one-sided view that won't be accurate", just hold your horses.

This video not only has a modern day prophet and apostles talking about why we build temples, but it also has scholars who are not of the LDS faith explaining why Mormon's build temples. Please watch it. If this is the one thing that you watch from any of my posts, it will make me the happiest girl on planet earth.

Hopefully that wasn't too painful for you to watch. ;) But seriously, I hope that you understand a little more the "why" in the question, "WHY we build temples." Temples were build anciently; we read so in both the Old and the New Testament. So it makes complete sense to me that we should have temples today.

Why do we need temples?

Besides the fact that we need temples because it was something done anciently, (see Exodus 26-27, 40:35, 2 Chronicles 5:1-14, 7:1-2, Ezra 3:1-13, 6:3) if we claim to be the church of Jesus Christ that has been restored to the earth, then we need temples because Christ himself spent a lot of his time at the temple. (See Luke 2:40-49, Matthew 21:10-14)

I know that Christ walks in the temples that we have built in our day as well. I cannot fully explain to you how I know this, but I do.

I also know that we need temples because it is only through the ordinances we receive and the covenants that we make in the temples that we will fully qualify for exaltation. Notice I said "exaltation" not "salvation." You can be a good person, you can fill your life doing good things and following the Savior and His teachings and yes, you will have a wonderful place in the kingdom of God. There is no disputing that fact. However, if you want to truly become like God and receive all that is His, then He requires more effort on your part. He requires you to become worthy to go to the temple, receive your endowments (click here to learn more about that), and be sealed to your family for time and all eternity. The sealing power is something Christ bestowed upon his apostle Peter (see Matthew 16:13-19) and we have that same sealing power on earth today, but it can only happen in the temple.

Why is it important to make AND keep the covenants we make in the temple?

For me, this reason is simple.

Satan, AKA "the devil", AKA "the adversary", knows the power that comes from making AND keeping your sacred temple covenants. Why do I keep typing the word "and" in all caps? Because it's not enough to just go to the temple once and make those covenants with your Father in Heaven. YOU HAVE TO WORK YOUR WHOLE LIFE TO KEEP THOSE COVENANTS. But wait, you say, doesn't that take away my freedom to choose for myself if I have to keep covenants in order to receive exaltation? No. It does not. You always have the choice, but just like any other choice in this life, you don't get to choose the consequences of the choice.

What happens if you choose to not refill your tank with gas? You are going to run out of gas and be stranded. You made the choice, but you don't get to choose or change the consequence.

What happens if you choose to not drink water or eat food for a month? You will be dead. You made the choice, but you don't get to choose or change the consequence.

The same applies to making the choice to make AND keep your covenants with God. God will not be mocked. (See D&C 63:58) And if you feel that the Doctrine and Covenants is not an accurate or true book of scripture to use as a reference then I recommend that you read, from the Bible, the story of when Christ overturned tables in the temple. (See John 2:14-16, Mark 11:15-17) So I say it again, God will not be mocked. A covenant is a 2-way promise with God. He makes promises to you and you make promises to Him. I guarantee you that God will keep His promises to you. Can He say the same about you? Can He trust that you are going to keep the promises you made with Him?

The only way that you will accurately remember those promises is by attending the temple, and attending it often. When you are trying to learn a new song, do you know if perfectly after only hearing it one time? No. You have to hear it multiple times and practice it often in order to know it in your mind and your heart. The same applies to the covenants that you make in the temple. In order to fully know and appreciate the covenants and promises you make and receive in the temple, you need to go often.

Whew! Did you make it this far in the post? I hope so. The temple is such an important place to me and my greatest desire with this post is to hopefully get you thinking about the temple, but more importantly, praying about the temple. It will only be through prayer to our Heavenly Father that YOU will be able to receive answers about it.

I Love to See the Temple

And just for fun, I want to share this other version of the song with you that was recorded by a group of the cutest little munchkins you ever did see. They are from Korea and are singing the song in Korean. I dare you to watch it without smiling.

I love to see the temple.
I'm going there someday,
to feel the Holy Spirit,
to listen and to pray.
For the temple is a house of God,
a place of love and beauty.
I'll prepare myself while I am young.
This is my sacred duty.

I love to see the temple.
I'll go inside someday.
I'll covenant with my Father.
I'll promise to obey.
For the temple is a holy place,
where we are sealed together.
As a child of God, I've learned this truth.
A family is forever.

Wait! One more! This acoustic guitar version is AMAZING!!!

So now, the real questions are...

Do you love to see the temple?
Do you want to go inside someday?

All I ask is that you offer sincere prayers to God. Take the time to pray and then take even more time to LISTEN with your heart. God WILL teach you in those quiet moments. And you may hear answers that you already knew, answers that you didn't expect or want to hear, or something that utterly and completely blows your mind, but whatever the case may be, you WILL know what God wants you to do to prepare yourself to meet Him someday.

Survivor Sister Scoop-Mastectomy Tips

4/26/2016

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There were two words that sent shivers down my spine when I realized that a lumpectomy was just not going to cut cancer out of my life...
Chemotherapy and Mastectomy

It was surreal to use those words when talking about something that I had to do. In the beginning I was still in the mindset that cancer happened to other people. But as I faced each challenge head on, I began to realize that this was really my life and I began to search for tricks that would lessen the discomfort or at least made it somewhat bearable. The plain fact of the matter is...breast cancer treatments (any cancer treatments actually) just suck, for lack of a better word. However, I was very grateful for advice from other survivors when they shared things that helped them. I thought, "Even if their tricks don't help me, what have I got to lose?"

So that is what I would like to do for today's post...share some tricks and tips that helped me before, during, and after my bi-lateral mastectomy (in layman's terms, I said goodbye to both of the ladies who had tried to kill me.)

Before Surgery Day

It's all butterflies and anxiety in the days and weeks leading up to your surgery. So many unknowns about the process and the pain that will follow. It's tough to keep your mind out of "worst case scenario land." But the thing that helped me the most was to just keep busy. Which is also easier said than done considering that you have probably just spent the last 4-6 months being hammered by chemotherapy.

In my case, I had four kids and a husband to take care of so I did not have a lack of things to do. Add to that my job of teaching preschool and really, keeping busy was not too much of a problem. The real challenge came often at night when I was left alone with my thoughts.

"Will they be able to get the remaining cancer?"
"How painful is this really going to be?"
"What if they find more cancer?"
"How painful is this really going to be?" (I was terrified of the recovery process)

You will have those nights where you just cannot control the anxiety and it will take over. My best advice is to just ride that wave and know that it will pass.

Keep praying to whatever higher power you feel helps you.
Keep moving.
Keep looking for ways to ease other's pain.
Keep breathing...one simple breath at a time.

Just a few weeks before the big surgery day. As I look at this picture, two things stand out...my tired, eyelashless eyes and the tiredness in Mark's face. We both had struggles. Cancer affects the whole family.

Surgery Day

The day has finally arrived. It's time to say goodbye to "the girls." Everyone experiences their own emotions when thinking about this separation. I went through all the emotions...the relief that I would no longer have breast tissue in which to grow cancer, the anger that the cancer had descended upon me in the first place, and the sadness of losing an important part of me.

The emotional roller coaster is tough. There were two things that got me through the ride. God and my family. I hope that you have a spiritual connection on your journey. I know that there is a God out there who loves you and who knows the pain that you are going through. However you choose to reach out to Him, just do it.

Now for some of the small details that help...

*Get a good amount of sleep the night before your surgery. Take a sleeping pill if you need to.

*You will want to have a comfortable shirt to come home in. My mom made me two shirts that were lifesavers. It was a simple t-shirt that had been cut down the middle. She then put strips of velcro down the cut sides so that the shirt could be closed again. The best part of the shirt were the inside pockets that held my drains. If you are interested in having a shirt like this (and I HIGHLY recommend you have at least one) please contact me. I will hook you up, free of charge.

*Make sure you have people lined up to bring in meals for at least 3-4 days after your surgery. A week would be even better. Do not think that you will be able to handle it or just have your husband go pick up food. Ask for help. You and your husband will have plenty to keep you tired and busy as you both try to focus on making yourself as comfortable as possible.

*Head out the door and on to the hospital with a smile on your face...even if there are tears running down it as well.

Surgery Day. March 2012. Here I am wearing the "gown with magical powers." (Read my book to find out more about that.)

After Surgery

Obviously the time immediately following your surgery will be a big blur. I remember people coming in and out of my room and talking to my kids via Skype, but that's about it.

I stayed only one night in the hospital. Depending on the type of reconstruction surgery you are having, you may have to stay more than one night.

Once you arrive home, please, stay on top of your pain meds. Don't try to be the martyr here. Take them as instructed, even if you are not in a huge amount of pain. The pain will last for at least 3-4 days. After that you will probably be able to just get away with taking Ibuprofen or Tylenol. Listen to your body.

Hopefully you followed my advice and contacted me about the miracle recovery shirt. You will live in it for the first few days. Lifting your arms over your head will be impossible and the drains will be obnoxious. I do not recommend purchasing a tank top with drain pockets. The pockets are not big enough and the tank top has to go over your head. Just know that you are not in any beauty competition. You are going strictly for comfort here.

Speaking of drains...I highly recommend having a lanyard to wear in the shower. You can hook the drains to the lanyard and then your hands will be free. Letting the drains just hang freely...I do not recommend that. It hurts. Go with the lanyard. (Which I will also give you free of charge when you ask me about the shirt. :)

Use this time to just take care of you. Hopefully you have family members, friends, church members, etc who can come and help you take care of children, housework and all of those other small details. Let them help. If you don't have anyone, reach out to your support group, your doctor, the hospital. There are people out there who want to help you. I hope you don't have to look too far.

This is me on my birthday- 2 days after my mastectomy. I am wearing my miracle recovery shirt that was lovingly made by my mother. Just ignore the remains of my birthday meal in the background. Thankfully my family all pitched in to clean that up for me.

I hope that this post was helpful. Obviously it has been a few years since my actual surgery and if I had written this post right after surgery, maybe it would have included a few more things. But, since I was inspired to keep a daily journal and have since compiled my journal and blog together into a book, I feel like I can remember the things that are most helpful.

If you know of anyone who is facing a mastectomy, please share this post with them. Give them my email address (which is desirae@desiraeogden.com) It breaks my heart when I hear of people who are alone in this process and I will do anything within my power to help them or find someone to help them with their needs.

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The Bigger Picture

1/8/2016

I have a problem.

My brain betrays me sometimes.

For instance, I have my memoir for sale on my website in three perfectly wonderful forms: hardcover, paperback, and iBooks. This project that I have poured my heart and soul into for 2+ years is done! It's out there! Complete! All of the late nights and early mornings, all of the times that my family had to look at my back while I typed away on the computer, all of the hair pulling, crying, rejoicing, stress...all of it... should be behind me.

But my brain says this, "Remember you told people that it would be available on Amazon. People are counting on that. Not everyone has an iPhone or can use an iBooks version. How will people who don't know you find it? What if someone doesn't want to purchase it directly from you?"

So instead of taking a deep breath and celebrating the fact that my dream has come true and my story is out there for people to read, I have spent the past week chained to the computer once again.

Long story short...the Amazon thing is not going to happen for now. I am not giving up on that option, but several issues have come up- all of which are way too lengthy to go into for one post- and I have had to give it a rest for now. For my sanity and for my family's well-being, I am putting it on a shelf.

It's time to start focusing on the bigger picture.

I have a book that is published and it is beautiful and it is my hope that it will find those who need it.

I didn't write it on my own. God's hand was in it and I am not ashamed or afraid to admit that. I have had experiences over the past 2+ years that are too sacred and too personal to share, but I can testify that this book was meant to be written.

I didn't write it to make money. I didn't write it to be famous. I didn't write it to be self-aggrandizing or anything of that nature.

I wrote it because of a promise I made to God at the very beginning of my cancer journey and every day since...I promised Him that I would do everything in my power to help other people. Whether they are in the midst of a battle with cancer or any other trial that seems unbearable, I promised that I would try and help and that is what I intend to do.

God sees the bigger picture for me, for this book, and for everything else in my life, and now it is time for me to let go, turn my face to the sun, and enjoy the ride, wherever it may take me.

I trust in God's bigger picture.

The Great Experiment Part 2

9/16/2015

Guess what? I have decided to now include an audio version of each blog post I write. Now you have the choice- read my ramblings or listen to them. I don't know which one is more exciting. ;)

Remember this post?

Isn't it interesting how things change and evolve in our lives in a matter of days? Just barely over a week ago, I sat at my computer and typed that post about my social media experiment. I was feeling really good about my decision to back off of social media and to not let it dictate my thought process, daily schedule, and self-worth.

Then I received the first blow to the Great Experiment when I received that email from the publishing company. In it they said, "One huge contributor to our decision making is social media presence." In other words, if you want to be successful as an author these days, you need to jump on the social media bandwagon and make your presence known.

The second blow was when I realized that I would have to do something I swore I would never do- open a Twitter account. From the very first time I heard about Twitter, I just did not see the appeal. As I have talked to parents and teachers about it- and some teenagers- it seemed like they all had the same advice in regards to Twitter. "DON'T DO IT!" And I was completely fine not to have a Twitter account until I learned that statistically, the best social media outlet for authors is, you guessed it, Twitter. I could see all of the signs pointing in the direction of the land of Tweets, but I desperately wanted to stay safe and comfortable right where I was. So I took the decision and made it a matter of prayer. I am an author because of an experience that God blessed me with. The basis of my memoir is a daily journal that I was inspired to start writing in on Day One of my journey. Every post I write does not happen until I have prayed about it, studied it out in my mind, and carefully reviewed it before I hit the publish button. I knew that I could not move forward in any marketing decisions before I talked to the One who brought me here in the first place.

And He told me it would be okay. I know that I will be able to add Twitter to my "sharing happiness arsenal." My goals with all of the social media that I participate in are to:
#1. Share happiness.
#2. Be completely real and honest.
#3. Spread the good news of the gospel of Jesus Christ.
As long as I am careful and keep my priorities straight, Twitter will definitely help me to achieve those goals.

Over the past few days my brain has been jammed up with so much information. I am trying to process all of the things that I have learned about marketing with social media and how I am going to implement them. I am also trying to figure out how to get my book off my computer and into the hands of those who want to read it. And, I am also working on a secret project that came about as a result of the "Thanks, but no thanks" email I received last week. I will tell you this much about it...it's going to be amazing. Oh, and I have also been doing all of those little life details like homeschooling two of my kiddos, teaching preschool three days a week, running kids to lessons, and trying to make sure that my husband doesn't feel like his wife has abandoned him. It's a tough load to carry at the moment, but I know that I don't have to carry it alone.

So the Great Experiment continues. I've added a few ingredients to the mix, but as I push forward with faith and trust in God's timing and His plan for me, I know that the end result is going to be beautiful.

Podcast: Let Me Cry

5/29/2015

I am not entirely sure about how I feel about this post.

I have been toying with the idea of doing podcasts for quite some time now. The problem that I have is
a. I have no idea what I am doing.
b. I will definitely not be able to do it on a regular basis and
c. Maybe people don't want to listen to my voice. I know that this is the case with my kids; especially when I get on my mom soap box. ;)

However, as with the other posts on my blog, this one just feels right. Whatever the reason, I feel the need to share it so that's what I will do.

I hope it's something that you will enjoy or at the very least, be able to tolerate. Please excuse the imperfections. I would like to say that the quality will improve as I do more. Maybe it will and maybe it won't. I can offer no guarantees here, people. What you hear, is what you get.

Anyway...

Birth-Toddler

Suggestions for Birth-Toddler Years

Preschool Years

Suggestions for Preschool Years

To be continued...

I'm still learning and I am not a professional.

Let's dive in...headfirst, in the shallow end.

When everything didn't turn out like I had envisioned...

Anyone else rolling their eyes and laughing at this point?

Skip to the good part...

Meet Abbie...

Trying to tame the lion.

Reaching Out.

Moving forward...and backward.

The end and the beginning.

Until next week...

Related Posts:

Are you ready for this?!?

Before we get too far, there's something you should know...

Let's get this party started, shall we?

Starting at the beginning...

What topics will be covered?

Let's Do This.

Until next week...

Guess what happened?

BUT...

How important is it to keep covenants that you make with God?

God will keep His end of the bargain. Can He say the same about you?

Why do we build temples?

Why do we need temples?

Why is it important to make AND keep the covenants we make in the temple?

I Love to See the Temple

Do you love to see the temple?Do you want to go inside someday?

Before Surgery Day

Surgery Day

After Surgery

Let Me Cry.

Desirae Ogden

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Do you love to see the temple?
Do you want to go inside someday?